Keep The Spirit Beyond Halloween!

Halloween night is a special night. It is the one night that I witness parents embracing their child's desire to be something or someone different than usual. I see parents spending their time and money creating that perfect image that their child desires. The end result of most Halloween nights is fun, laughter and special memories for both children and parents. I can't help but wonder how nice it would be if this same Halloween spirit was carried out every day of the year. I'm not talking about eating candy every day!  I'm talking about parents embracing their child's desire to be who they want to be or who they actually are. Children are individual people who may not have or desire the same characteristics as their parents. I have spoken with many parents who are disappointed in their child's characteristics or personality traits. Some children are introverted or shy and parents wish they were more extroverted. Some children don't excel in or enjoy sports as much as their parents wish they would. I strongly believe that if parents embraced their child's individuality like they do each year on Halloween night, then fun, laughter and special memories will be had by all.

Parents Take Steps To Resolve Conflict

It's hard to hear from another parent that your child has hurt their child's feelings. Your first instinct is to defend your child's behavior and think that it's their child's issue. However, if you want to truly help your child learn pro social behavior, then think about these steps:
(1) Listen to what the other parent has to say about your child's actions or behavior.
(2) Thank the parent for contacting you and let them know that you will talk with your child and contact
      them the very next day.
(3) Ask your child to explain his/her behavior.
(4) Make a plan with your child to alter their behavior around the other child as to not hurt their feelings.
(5) Call the parent when you said you would and let them know the steps you have taken to
     help their child feel better.
(6) FOLLOW-UP with your child.
(7) FOLLOW-UP with the parent to ask if their child is feeling better.
These simple steps will help your child's social and emotional behavior at school and beyond, as well as help your relationships with the parents of other children.

Bullying Prevention Awareness Month!

I often wonder why October is Bullying Prevention Awareness Month. Perhaps it's because most children are settled into a school routine by October and are in the process of navigating the seas of new and old friendships. I strongly believe this month is critical for your child. Parents need to take hold of the helm this month to help prevent bullying from occurring throughout the school year.  If you observe changes in the behavior of your child or another child that could potentially hurt the feelings of another, then say something now. Let your child know that you are aware of the change and how it may effect another. If you are not aware of any behavioral changes, then it's time to talk with your child about how to prevent bullying and just as important, how to help someone out who may be the victim of bullying this school year. This is the month to stay alert of changes in behavior and to talk about bullying so your child and other children will have a bully-free school year. Happy Bullying Prevention Awareness Month!

Re-Victimizing?

When a child(or an adult) has been a victim of bullying, whether physically, verbally or emotionally, that feeling of victimization can remain with him or her for a lifetime. I have found through many years of research that victims can be helped with the support of a parent, guardian, teacher, counselor or friend. The child or adult must feel heard and safe to begin healing from the trauma of being bullied.
It saddens me to admit that each week I read stories about school administrators who are not listening and supporting victims of bullies. I have permission from Sun News in Ottawa to forward this story:
http://www.Sunnewsnetwork.ca/Sunnews/Canada/archives/2012/06/2012 0628-092759.html

"Cookies and Compliments"

I first heard the phrase "cookies and compliments" used by Active Minds, the national nonprofit organization which creates awareness of mental health issues and offers support and guidance to college students. At the University of Connecticut, members of Active Minds stand in the middle of the campus every couple of weeks handing out cookies and offering compliments to passers-by, such as "Hey, nice shoes". I applaud this organization for using such a simple act of kindness, the compliment, to create awareness of their organization. I strongly believe that "cookies and compliments" could also be a success in elementary, middle and high schools. Perhaps student representatives of each grade could
hand out cookies and compliments every couple of weeks. I wonder how fast kindness could spread!

Engage and Empower a Friend!

Engage and Empower are two words that I have been asking middle school students to practice in order to avoid social exclusion, a form of bullying that can often occur among friends.
Engage: When you first notice that a friend is behaving or acting differently, such as sitting away from you and your other friends or looking sad, engage your friend in your activity(s). He or she may have been feeling left-out of a group activity. If your friend does not change his or her behavior and continues to look or act sad, then,
Empower: Ask your friend in a caring way to please share his or her feelings with you or another trusted friend. To engage and empower a friend may keep him or her from feeling socially excluded.

"Bully","Bully","Bully" Everywhere!

A day doesn't pass by that I don't hear the word "bully"being used by children and adults to describe someone with behavior that is not understood and may be causing hurtful feelings to another. I also read the word "bully" in our papers and hear it used on the news to describe nations and heads of nations that cause harm with words or actions to other nations or heads of nations. The increase in the use of the word "bully" can be very positive. It may help to change behaviors that are hurtful to others. The awareness of mean behavior is the first step to change. Change may happen to the person(s) who witness mean behavior and with appropriate intervention and action, mean behavior can stop. On the other hand, the misuse of the word "bully" can be very negative. Perhaps a person(s), nation or head of nation has caused personal harm to another without the intention of harming. Perhaps there had been an honest mistake. I strongly believe that the use of the word "bully" can be empowering and help change behavior, but it has also become a catch-phrase for mean or misunderstood behavior. Next time you say the word or hear or read the word "bully", please think about the proper definition:
"Bullying is behavior that occurs in a relationship in which there is an imbalance of power
or strength, intended to cause harm or distress and occurs repeatedly over time."
I think that if we call the behavior/action what it truly is then there will be more relationship building and less misunderstandings.