"Bully","Bully","Bully" Everywhere!

A day doesn't pass by that I don't hear the word "bully"being used by children and adults to describe someone with behavior that is not understood and may be causing hurtful feelings to another. I also read the word "bully" in our papers and hear it used on the news to describe nations and heads of nations that cause harm with words or actions to other nations or heads of nations. The increase in the use of the word "bully" can be very positive. It may help to change behaviors that are hurtful to others. The awareness of mean behavior is the first step to change. Change may happen to the person(s) who witness mean behavior and with appropriate intervention and action, mean behavior can stop. On the other hand, the misuse of the word "bully" can be very negative. Perhaps a person(s), nation or head of nation has caused personal harm to another without the intention of harming. Perhaps there had been an honest mistake. I strongly believe that the use of the word "bully" can be empowering and help change behavior, but it has also become a catch-phrase for mean or misunderstood behavior. Next time you say the word or hear or read the word "bully", please think about the proper definition:
"Bullying is behavior that occurs in a relationship in which there is an imbalance of power
or strength, intended to cause harm or distress and occurs repeatedly over time."
I think that if we call the behavior/action what it truly is then there will be more relationship building and less misunderstandings.

The Active Bystander

Most children understand that a bystander is someone who stands by someone else who is being harmed by another. However, children are unclear of the responsibility of a bystander. There are two types of bystanders: The silent bystander and the active bystander. A silent bystander chooses to be silent and do nothing when someone is being harassed or bullied by another. The active bystander acts to help the person who is being harmed. According to research, most children want to be active bystanders but they choose to be silent bystanders. Many children admit that they don't help another because; "it's none of my business" or "I didn't know what to do" or "I might get hurt next". Children who are silent bystanders often feel ashamed for not helping a person feel safe, helpless because they didn't know what to do and lonely because they have a difficulty sharing their feelings. How can parents help their children become active bystanders? Parents can explain to their children that there are Active Bystander Techniques that children can take to help another. Parents can also role play these techniques at home so their children feel comfortable using them in the community or at school. The techniques are: (1) say "STOP-IT!" to the person who is harming another loud enough so they get the attention of others(an even an adult). The person being harmed feels cared for and your child will feel proud that he or she stopped the mean behavior. (2) remove the person from harm: Your child can place his or her arm around the person being hurt and move them away from the situation toward safety. (3) get other children or an adult: Your child can gather other children to help stop the harassing or harming of another or get an adult to stop the situation and help the person who is being harmed feel safe. When parents continue their open dialogue about the importance of being an active bystander, role play the techniques with their children at home then their children will develop greater courage and be empowered to help another feel safe when they are being harmed by another.