The Active Bystander

Most children understand that a bystander is someone who stands by someone else who is being harmed by another. However, children are unclear of the responsibility of a bystander. There are two types of bystanders: The silent bystander and the active bystander. A silent bystander chooses to be silent and do nothing when someone is being harassed or bullied by another. The active bystander acts to help the person who is being harmed. According to research, most children want to be active bystanders but they choose to be silent bystanders. Many children admit that they don't help another because; "it's none of my business" or "I didn't know what to do" or "I might get hurt next". Children who are silent bystanders often feel ashamed for not helping a person feel safe, helpless because they didn't know what to do and lonely because they have a difficulty sharing their feelings. How can parents help their children become active bystanders? Parents can explain to their children that there are Active Bystander Techniques that children can take to help another. Parents can also role play these techniques at home so their children feel comfortable using them in the community or at school. The techniques are: (1) say "STOP-IT!" to the person who is harming another loud enough so they get the attention of others(an even an adult). The person being harmed feels cared for and your child will feel proud that he or she stopped the mean behavior. (2) remove the person from harm: Your child can place his or her arm around the person being hurt and move them away from the situation toward safety. (3) get other children or an adult: Your child can gather other children to help stop the harassing or harming of another or get an adult to stop the situation and help the person who is being harmed feel safe. When parents continue their open dialogue about the importance of being an active bystander, role play the techniques with their children at home then their children will develop greater courage and be empowered to help another feel safe when they are being harmed by another.